My Life as a Novel

My most excellent friend, Jenny, gave me a bag FULL of apples last night. And an apple peeler/corer/slicer (that I MAY just "forget" to return to her). And tonight, I'm making applesauce! And this excites me a lot. More than it should because, really!? It's just applesauce.

:sigh: I think I'm turning into my mother.

Labels: Good for a laugh, Self-Discovery

But is almost completely true.

I took this quiz, that Cassie posted. And this is what it says about me:

Your answers suggest you are a Realist

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Realists

• Loyal and steady workers who meet deadlines
• Believe in established rules and respect facts
• Think of themselves as mature, stable and conscientious
• May appear too logical or tough-minded and forget their impact on other people

More about Realists

Realists are loyal to the people around them and work hard to keep their promises. They are honest and straightforward with others and expect the same in return. Realists believe in standard procedures and will only support change when there is a demonstrable benefit.

Realists respect factual information, which they store up to use when making decisions. This group likes to have time to think quietly and carefully before taking action.

These extremely productive people like to be occupied in their leisure time with pursuits such as craftwork, hiking or reading.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Realists may become obsessed with schedules, critical of others or have trouble trusting other people to get the job done properly. Under extreme stress, Realists may complain loudly that events have taken a turn for the worse and predict negative outcomes.

Realists typically only share their opinions or personal experiences with trusted friends.

Labels: Self-Discovery

Dear Mendy,

It’s finally here. The weekend we’ve been planning for months. The weekend you’ve been dreaming of your whole life. You found each other. You’ve plotted and planned and delegated and … delegated again, and it’s upon us. This weekend, you become Mrs. Derek Goebel. Not just my little sister. Not just the Baby of the Moss Family. But someone’s wife.

Pardon me if it takes me a while to get used to the idea. During the past 23 years, I’ve been The Big Sister, a role I’ve taken very seriously. Fierce Protector. Counselor. Guide. Second Mother. Sister … with all the good and bad that the job entails.

And as my final act as Self-Appointed Primary Protector of Mendy, I pass along the lessons that I have learned over the past three years: My Marriage Advice.

This list is a compilation of Lessons Learned By Rita The Hard Way and also the wise advice of some respected persons. I hope this helps you.

• Learn to say, “I’m sorry.” I list this one first, not by random, but because of its importance. I know this is a point of contention for you because you’re my sister and we are very alike. Pig-headed, because it's in our blood. We want to be right. We are easily persuaded, during heated discussions, that the person we’re talking to is “against” us.
  
  Overcome that belief, remember that you’re really working together, sincerely apologize … and you will have learned the most important lesson of your marriage: You’re on the same team! And marriage works so much better with that in mind.
  
  
• Communicate, communicate, communicate. They say the first year is hardest. Near the end of the first year, you begin to hear that the second is hardest. And, as I enter my fourth, The Experts are promising that the hard years stop coming after five … or maybe seven.
  
  Honestly, we haven’t had “a hard year”. We have difficult weeks, bad days, tough spells. But we talk it out, work it out together, and are better for the communication it takes to work those issues out.
  
  And, to be truthful, if “the hard years stop coming” means that you learn to tolerate one another while you each do your own thing and merely coexist, personally I’d rather have bad times.
  
  
• Respect. You’re about to enter a crash course in The Opposite Sex. One thing I’ve learned that’s helped me a lot is this: A man needs to know he’s respected to feel loved. Biblically, a woman is never told to love her husband. “And this [picture of Christ and the church] provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) I don’t believe those words are written by coincidence. In as much as you need to know you’re loved in this relationship, Derek needs to know he’s respected. As the head of the family. As your husband. In whatever he decides to do. Respect him. Even when he makes mistakes.

I also kept this list of stuff from a sermon that Pastor Hal preached in May 2005. At that point, I hadn't been married yet a year, but it already meant a lot to hear at that point. I remember that the Sunday this sermon was preached, we had a group of single friends visiting from out of town. After church, they were all, "Duh! Those are so easy!" and Kyle and I just looked at each other and knew we had appreciated the reminder.

I hope it will mean as much to you as it has to me.

20 Principles and Practices
That Will Build A Stronger Marriage:

1. Grow Spiritually
2. Love Completely
3. Work Continuously
4. Play Often
5. Share Equally
6. Serve Cheerfully
7. Give Selflessly
8. Laugh Heartily
9. Talk Honestly
10. Praise Frequently
11. Criticize Gently
12. Spend Wisely
13. Protect Fiercely
14. Parent Jointly
    
15. Celebrate Happily
16. Forgive Easily
17. Believe Stubbornly
18. Pray Daily
19. Sacrifice Gratefully and
20. Grow Old Joyfully

Spend the rest of your life being a student of your husband. Learn his interests and encourage him. Learn his love language and become fluent. Learn his communication style and speak it.

Spend the rest of your life making it what you always dreamed. You hold the keys.

And know that I will always love you. And I will always be here for you.

Love,
Your Big Sister

Labels: family, Marriage, Self-Discovery, Wedding

Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease.
Take from our souls the strain and stress
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

- Dear Lord and Father of Mankind,
John Greenleaf Whitter (1807-1892)

Labels: Christianity, Self-Discovery

A few days ago, I was riding around with a friend of mine when she said to me, "[Husband] and I are trying."

This was out of the blue, but when you're married and you're accustomed to being asked questions of this nature, you know what this seemingly fragmented sentence really means.

And my reaction was not what she was looking for at all. It wasn't a, "Oh congratulations!" or even a "Good luck" or any number of suggestive comments I could've made.

No. Instead, I made a face that looked something like this:

I'm 100% sure that wasn't the reaction she was going for. I spent the next few minutes apologizing. Explaining how I didn't mean for that to be my first reaction, and how I was as surprised by it as she was. She was gracious enough to just change the subject.

I felt like a heel.

Labels: Friends, Marriage, Self-Discovery